Precious Moments

After viewing the movie "Precious" which is a phenomenal story about a young women who overcomes abuse and adversity, I was particularly struck by the actress, Mo'nique's betrayal of the fictional character Mary Jones. Mary is the verbally and physically abusive mother of Clarice Precious Jones, a young girl who is the story's main character. Mary Jones threw everything she could think of both literally and figuratively at Precious in efforts to hurt and control her. Mary is portrayed as a terrible mother with no redeeming qualities. She was the perfect picture of an abuser. While this clearly isn't the first time the ugly face of abuse has been exposed on a movie screen, this is the first time that I have left the theater really wanting to better understand the abuser.

Maybe my interest in Mary was peaked because of Mo'Nique's perfect portrayal of a less than perfect woman. Or maybe it was because I felt the familiar energy of an abusive woman. Once I had more time to think about the character I summized that the ghosts of Mary Jones' past have caused her to become mean and caustic and caused her emotions to rot from fear and insecurity. Even though she put on the facade of strength and power, her hidden fear had used Precious to buffer herself from the world. She seemed afraid of interacting with people that she had no immediate control over. She would send Precious to talk to the teachers or social workers while she barked orders loudly yet cowardly from her chair. Their apartment had become a solar system with Mary Jones being the center of this ghetto universe. Precious, the cats that lived with them, and even Mary's own mother simply orbited around her. In Mary's mind, everything was about her. This egotism helped explain why Mary allowed her husband to molest Precious while she was in the room. Instead of Mary caring about how detrimental the molestation was to her three year old daughter, Mary's concern was, "Why did he want her and not me?" That egotism, seasoned with insecurity created a recipe that allowed Precious' needs to be totally forgotten, dismissed and ignored. That same insecurity caused Mary to question herself and remain in a relationship with a man who wanted to have intercourse with a three year old girl.

The abuse in this movie is tragic and extreme and clearly not the experience of most women but it made me wonder how much of Mary Jones is in each of us. How often do we find ourselves thinking of "what about me?" or find ourselves wondering what are the consequences of standing our ground or in our truth? Are there times that we have cared so much about what we wanted that we rationalized or even ignored the needs of others? Ultimately, what we saw was a weak Mary Jones, who made decisions based on egotism or ignorance or both and then oddly blamed the rest of the world.

As I pondered Mary even more I realized that as brutal and unappealing as she was...I felt sorry for her. I understood that she wasn't born that way. Life's circumstances and a flawed, insecure man or woman had created her. Something in her past has molded her into this loud, abusive, ghetto monster. Though big and mean, she clearly lacked strength and clarity of thought. Mary had survived her past, but unlike Precious, she had not had the ability to thrive and improve but instead chose to control and belittle all of those around her. Mary Jones had not found a school administrator who cared, a social worker determined to listen or a teacher willing to sacrifice for the betterment of her students. All these women had combined their strengths and woven a new way for Precious in a way that had somehow evaded Mary Jones. It was clear that neither of these three women characters had a magic wand or had experienced a perfect life themselves, but what they provided to Precious was an example of another way of being. A way that let Precious know that she was not like Mary Jones. Precious had protected her own, had found another way and had eventually seen her experience and humanity in another little girl just like her. As women we can all do that. And maybe the gesture will not be grand or even appear life changing at the moment, but if combined with the strength and wisdom of others it might save a life, which in the end is the Real Issue.